


I'm Not Who You Think I Am, Bruv

by xnemones_graveyard



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:28:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xnemones_graveyard/pseuds/xnemones_graveyard
Summary: What could have happened if The Golden Circle hadn’t managed to hack the Kingsman system.
Kudos: 4





	I'm Not Who You Think I Am, Bruv

Eggsy just wanted to meet his girlfriend’s parents that night, not have his entire secret identity discovered by his best friend because his dog wanted to get into his office. It is usually very impolite to shout at a King, not to mention hurriedly excusing yourself to the bathroom, but Eggsy doesn’t have much of a choice. As soon as he closes the door behind him, he snaps.

“Brandon, why the hell are you in my office, mate?!” Eggsy hisses, pacing the small room.

“Bruv, J.D. wanted in and I just wanted to take a look around, what the fuck’s going on? When did this start? Are you some big-time crime boss or some shit, lemme know man!” Brandon exclaims excitedly.

“Look, I’ll talk to you when I get home,” Eggsy promises, pinching the bridge of his nose as a headache starts to develop. “Just… don’t touch anything else. Please. All of the shit on that wall could kill you. And for god’s sake, put the lighter down!”

“Alright mate, I’m sorry, but you’d better tell me what the fuck you’re involved with pretty damn soon, alright?”

Eggsy sighs.

“Alright, but don’t tell any of the others. For their sake and yours,” he orders. “Put the glasses down and just take care of J.D. until I get back.”

“Sure thing, mate.”

The link disconnects and Eggsy takes his glasses off as well, setting them on the side of the sink as he washes his face. He stares at his reflection for a moment.

“Harry, I hope the Kingsmen can wipe people’s memories so nothing bad happens to Brandon,” Eggsy speaks to thin air.

The rest of dinner feels like the longest mission of Eggsy’s life as he continuously tries to come up with a way to deal with the situation. Finally, he comes to a conclusion, with a little help from Roxy: he’ll talk to Merlin before he talks to Brandon again. He gives the Kingsman’s Scottish tech support officer a call before he and Tilde go to bed.

~+~+~+~

Eggsy is on a redeye flight back to London, but he can’t sleep. Tilde is staying with her parents for a few more days while Eggsy sorts this out. Merlin said Brandon is on a strictly need-to-know basis, and he has to be brought into the Kingsman headquarters to be sworn to secrecy and kept under control should he react violently.

Eggsy sighs and orders another drink. One of the many benefits of first class is alcohol. He’ll need it for when he gets home.

~+~+~+~

Brandon is waiting when Eggsy steps out of the taxi. Eggsy sighs with relief when he finds his house still intact. It’s what he has left of Harry.

“Mate, you owe me one hell of an explanation,” Brandon states, standing on the doorstep.

Eggsy nods, resigned, and instructs his friend to get in the taxi with him. They ride to the tailor shop in silence, and Brandon gives him a quizzical look when they step out of the taxi.

“Come with me,” Eggsy demands, leading his friend inside.

“Wait, is this place like some secret cover-up for whatever gang you’re in? Bruv, is this some sort of hideout?”

“More or less,” Eggsy admits with a tilt of his head.

“Woah, sick, mate!”

They step inside the elevator and Eggsy sends them down once both of them are inside.

“Now, this part takes a little while, so I’ll tell you what I can: I’m not in a gang. The men I work for don’t want you running off, which is why they’re letting me take you into the headquarters. Most important of all is that you don’t tell anyone--and I mean anyone--about any of this. Understood?” Eggsy says, looking his friend in the eye.

“Yeah,” Brandon replies seriously, nodding. Then he grins and adds, “Can I get my own gun? Or, like, one of those knife thingies. Just a lighter!”

“That lighter was a hand grenade, and no. You’d have to become an agent to handle any of our equipment, bruv,” Eggsy tells him, cracking a smile for the first time tonight.

Brandon’s eyes go wide.

“An… agent? Like, James Bond?”

Eggsy nods slightly and Brandon grins, looking excited.

“Mate, that’s awesome. So, what, you’re like a spy?”

“Sort of,” Eggsy admits. “You’ll see. Come on.”

They step out and in a few more minutes, they step into headquarters.

Roxy jogs up to them.

“Galahad, you’d better know what the fuck you’re doing,” she says, leading them through the halls.

“Trust me Lancelot, I have no fucking clue,” Eggsy murmurs. “Let’s hope Merlin does.”

“Who’s Merlin?” Brandon asks.

“I am,” Merlin greets, standing up from his chair as they enter the room. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Brandon.”

“Holy shit, Eggsy,” Brandon breathes, looking around at the advanced technology around the room.

“Don’t touch anything,” Merlin warns. “We’ve pulled enough strings not to have you incarcerated or killed. Eggsy, have you told him anything?”

“Not much. I might’ve let slip that we’re secret agents.”

“God’s sake, Eggsy!” Roxy exclaims.

“Hey, he was this close to finding out, anyway,” Eggsy defends, holding his thumb and his forefinger close together for emphasis.

“The other agents aren’t going to like this,” Merlin murmurs.

“They don’t have to know,” Eggsy suggests.

Everyone else in the room turns to stare at him with varying degrees of incredulousness.

“Eggsy, you do realize this is a serious breach of security,” Merlin chastises. “Harry would--”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Harry’s dead, Merlin!” Eggsy snaps.

“Um, who’s Harry?” Brandon asks.

Eggsy sighs and looks down, closing his eyes.

“He was our friend. He taught me alot, and he was the one who gave me the house,” he says, his eyes stinging.

“I thought that came with the job, mate.”

“It did,” Eggsy replies coldly. “I took Harry’s place as agent Galahad of the Kingsman.”

Brandon’s mouth makes a perfect “O” and Eggsy lifts his head, inhaling sharply.

“What do we have to do, Merlin?”

“Well… I suppose it’ll be alright if we just let him go with a tracker. So long as he doesn’t leak out information, he should be fine.”

“You’re suggesting a tracker like… Like Valentine’s trackers?”

“No, nothing like that,” Merlin assures him. “Just a little thing. If he ever gets caught in a sticky situation, we’ll be able to listen in and get there before he releases any of our information. With what happened the other day, we’ll have to be careful of course.


End file.
